It’s a very wonderful article – “Relationship with Your Parents = Relationship with Others”: http://wp.me/ptUDl-6A.
How can we have good relationships with in-laws? Why always there is some insecurity, disharmony in this relationship?
Parents of a girl and parents of a boy, both should be treated equally. After all both are parents. If one be grateful for his/her parents, does the relationship with in-laws will also improve?
Why after marriage of a son, parents get usually upset? They start seeing faults, blaming son and daughter-in-law even for small things. How one can be perfect this much? Even son and daughter-in-law may have same feeling for them!
How both can have normal relationship (unconditional) with each other?
In any healing, one should think about oneself only.
One should give love irrespective of whether he is receiving love or being blamed or criticized.
Expecting others to behave as per our wish will not work because each one is different – each one’s background, learning, upbringing, views and opinions are totally different. Only opposites are attracted to be in one place, so that we learn the art of living in co-existence within a family.
How to change oneself by asking some relevant questions?
Where am I now? There is disharmony in the family.
What do I want? I want harmony in the family.
How do I maintain this problem? Or how do I contribute – my thoughts, my opinions, and my behavior, to this disharmony?
Or what is in me that maintains this disharmony?
How can I get harmony?
How will I change to get harmony?
Why can’t I solve it?
How could I make this harmony possible?
What is required to have harmony?
You said that one should give love irrespective of whether he is receiving or being blamed or criticized. That is fine!
Sending love means what? Is it always thinking well about in-laws, parents, loved ones or is it seeing good in them or is it always to say “yes” to them, whatever they expect from me?
Are we allowed to express ourselves in harmless way, when I don’t like something or don’t want do certain things or wanted to do in another way? Or sending love means being kind with them?
Pls help me to understand sending love means what?
Ask these questions to yourself and you will get the answer.
How to maintain your level of intimacy
When can you get what you want in a relationship?
All of us enter in to any relationship to expecting something in the lines of – “I want someone so that I feel good; I want to be loved and taken care of”.
In any relationship when you expect, you will be disappointed.
When one is ready to give without expectation, he can get. There will not be any dejection.
How a destructive relationship starts getting building up?
When I do not want any destructive relationship or when I want harmony and peace in a relationship, then I should stop resisting it first.
Instead, when the spouse says or does anything you disagree or you don’t like, you start resisting inwardly.
Then like starts yielding to dislike.
However, this is not expressed but suppressed. This continues until it becomes resentment.
How you destroy the foundation of love?
You become angry.
Anger separates you from the other person and a barrier is formed.
Intimacy is ended, and leads to rejection.
You find ways to blame or criticize the partner wanting to prove that he/she is wrong.
Verbally you attack.
Everything the other person does seem to be wrong and the physical separation begins.
Without knowing, that your own blaming causes rejection – you feel rejected.
Your relationship deteriorates further by either suspicion or withdrawal.
Resolving these destructive tendencies
If relationship is to be mended then take the following remedies:
- AGRIMONY for open communication
- BEECH to understand other’s point of view; to have tolerance
- WILLOW to stop blaming and to forgive
- WALNUT to adjust and to be compromising
- CHERRY PLUM not to burst out
- HOLLY for suspicion and back biting
- CHICORY to give and not to force one
Each day is a new day. Start as if it is a new relationship.