It’s a very wonderful article – “Relationship with Your Parents = Relationship with Others”: http://wp.me/ptUDl-6A.
How can we have good relationships with in-laws? Why always there is some insecurity, disharmony in this relationship?
Parents of a girl and parents of a boy, both should be treated equally. After all both are parents. If one be grateful for his/her parents, does the relationship with in-laws will also improve?
Why after marriage of a son, parents get usually upset? They start seeing faults, blaming son and daughter-in-law even for small things. How one can be perfect this much? Even son and daughter-in-law may have same feeling for them!
How both can have normal relationship (unconditional) with each other?
In any healing, one should think about oneself only.
One should give love irrespective of whether he is receiving love or being blamed or criticized.
Expecting others to behave as per our wish will not work because each one is different – each one’s background, learning, upbringing, views and opinions are totally different. Only opposites are attracted to be in one place, so that we learn the art of living in co-existence within a family.
How to change oneself by asking some relevant questions?
Where am I now? There is disharmony in the family.
What do I want? I want harmony in the family.
How do I maintain this problem? Or how do I contribute – my thoughts, my opinions, and my behavior, to this disharmony?
Or what is in me that maintains this disharmony?
How can I get harmony?
How will I change to get harmony?
Why can’t I solve it?
How could I make this harmony possible?
What is required to have harmony?
You said that one should give love irrespective of whether he is receiving or being blamed or criticized. That is fine!
Sending love means what? Is it always thinking well about in-laws, parents, loved ones or is it seeing good in them or is it always to say “yes” to them, whatever they expect from me?
Are we allowed to express ourselves in harmless way, when I don’t like something or don’t want do certain things or wanted to do in another way? Or sending love means being kind with them?
Pls help me to understand sending love means what?
Ask these questions to yourself and you will get the answer.
Patient: My wife loves me a lot. She is a very considerate person. At the same time, when it comes to my way of doing, she is highly intolerant. Surprisingly, she tolerates others’ mistakes to a greater extent – this includes my parent’s actions too.
One part of her is tolerant, while the other part of her is intolerant – especially to you. It shows, somehow you trigger the other – unwanted part in her.
Do you have a similar behavior in yourself?
Patient: Yeah! In general, I always tend to correct the way of others and not just one person. I believe everything has to be done correctly, with the right people, and at the right time.
I will teach you a simple method here.
Affirm as many times as possible:
“I RELEASE the PART of ME that is criticized by her”.
IRELEASE THE PART OF ME that makes her criticise me.
“I OPEN ALIGN WITH the PART of ME that evokes her tolerance to PRAISE me”.
You can write them too.
The letters in UPPER CASE is fixed. The rest of the statement, you can fill with whatever you want. This way, you are releasing the behavior you don’t want and activating the behavior you want in others.
Now, don’t ask me any questions, how it works. Come to my class on Oct 19th, to shoot your questions there: http://wp.me/p31KXo-1Y
I’m a kind of assertive person, childish and pure at heart. But everyone mistakes my words and treats me as a rude/harsh person.
I know I’m a very kind at heart and speak like that for others benefit only. If “my people” are doing something wrong then I go and tell them and ask them to change. However, they understand it wrongly.
Please tell me how to get many ‘good’ friends, attract everyone who surrounds me, and make others understand who I’m really.
Don’t try to correct others.
Chant “TOGETHER DIVINE” as many times as possible
I am making much progress on receiving love by doing EFT for all the contributing factors to my resistance to receiving love and releasing my desire for love. Persistence was the key.
Now, I’m noticing all the ways in which people need love and care. I think I was blind to it before.
The problem now is either I do not know how to provide love or I find that I am very reluctant to give it.
For example, telling my friend something nice about them. I really don’t feel like it is necessary but I see people need affirmation.
Please help me become better at giving love in a way my close friends and relatives can receive. I am also VERY reluctant to say “I love you.”
I too am facing same thing, with some experiences in life.
I feel reluctant to say I LOVE YOU and feel something odd or negative in showing love. I was exactly opposite.
Everybody wants love and affection.
We express that through our expression and behavior only.
Every action of ours is aimed at that only.
Love is spontaneous when it is divine.
When you say that people expect a word of appreciation, give it.
If you view, it is not necessary, then don’t think about it.
But if you are concerned about it, then you also want approval from others.
When can you get what you want in a relationship?
All of us enter in to any relationship to expecting something in the lines of – “I want someone so that I feel good; I want to be loved and taken care of”.
In any relationship when you expect, you will be disappointed.
When one is ready to give without expectation, he can get. There will not be any dejection.
How a destructive relationship starts getting building up?
When I do not want any destructive relationship or when I want harmony and peace in a relationship, then I should stop resisting it first.
Instead, when the spouse says or does anything you disagree or you don’t like, you start resisting inwardly.
Then like starts yielding to dislike.
However, this is not expressed but suppressed. This continues until it becomes resentment.
How you destroy the foundation of love?
You become angry.
Anger separates you from the other person and a barrier is formed.
Intimacy is ended, and leads to rejection.
You find ways to blame or criticize the partner wanting to prove that he/she is wrong.
Verbally you attack.
Everything the other person does seem to be wrong and the physical separation begins.
Without knowing, that your own blaming causes rejection – you feel rejected.
Your relationship deteriorates further by either suspicion or withdrawal.
Resolving these destructive tendencies
If relationship is to be mended then take the following remedies:
- AGRIMONY for open communication
- BEECH to understand other’s point of view; to have tolerance
- WILLOW to stop blaming and to forgive
- WALNUT to adjust and to be compromising
- CHERRY PLUM not to burst out
- HOLLY for suspicion and back biting
- CHICORY to give and not to force one
Each day is a new day. Start as if it is a new relationship.