It’s a very wonderful article – “Relationship with Your Parents = Relationship with Others”: http://wp.me/ptUDl-6A.
How can we have good relationships with in-laws? Why always there is some insecurity, disharmony in this relationship?
Parents of a girl and parents of a boy, both should be treated equally. After all both are parents. If one be grateful for his/her parents, does the relationship with in-laws will also improve?
Why after marriage of a son, parents get usually upset? They start seeing faults, blaming son and daughter-in-law even for small things. How one can be perfect this much? Even son and daughter-in-law may have same feeling for them!
How both can have normal relationship (unconditional) with each other?
In any healing, one should think about oneself only.
One should give love irrespective of whether he is receiving love or being blamed or criticized.
Expecting others to behave as per our wish will not work because each one is different – each one’s background, learning, upbringing, views and opinions are totally different. Only opposites are attracted to be in one place, so that we learn the art of living in co-existence within a family.
How to change oneself by asking some relevant questions?
Where am I now? There is disharmony in the family.
What do I want? I want harmony in the family.
How do I maintain this problem? Or how do I contribute – my thoughts, my opinions, and my behavior, to this disharmony?
Or what is in me that maintains this disharmony?
How can I get harmony?
How will I change to get harmony?
Why can’t I solve it?
How could I make this harmony possible?
What is required to have harmony?
You said that one should give love irrespective of whether he is receiving or being blamed or criticized. That is fine!
Sending love means what? Is it always thinking well about in-laws, parents, loved ones or is it seeing good in them or is it always to say “yes” to them, whatever they expect from me?
Are we allowed to express ourselves in harmless way, when I don’t like something or don’t want do certain things or wanted to do in another way? Or sending love means being kind with them?
Pls help me to understand sending love means what?
Ask these questions to yourself and you will get the answer.
Continuing from the post, “Importance of Switch Words in our lives”: http://wp.me/ptUDX-78
The switch word TINY stops criticism.
For example, the moment you say TINY the mind pictures SMALL.
The words for which pictures are formed immediately are called as switch words. That’s why grammar is not important while chanting switch words.
A person who is an expert in grammar will have a high ego. So he is not TINY.
When it comes to ego, every person has got it and so they cannot be TINY.
When the word TINY is chanted by you, you will appear tiny or small to the opposite person. He will think, “Hey, this person is a very small person”. (So he does not challenge you and he gives up).
Be devoid of emotions and ego: http://wp.me/pBuLh-2R
Facing Ego Problems: http://wp.me/p39EiO-1c
Patient: My wife loves me a lot. She is a very considerate person. At the same time, when it comes to my way of doing, she is highly intolerant. Surprisingly, she tolerates others’ mistakes to a greater extent – this includes my parent’s actions too.
One part of her is tolerant, while the other part of her is intolerant – especially to you. It shows, somehow you trigger the other – unwanted part in her.
Do you have a similar behavior in yourself?
Patient: Yeah! In general, I always tend to correct the way of others and not just one person. I believe everything has to be done correctly, with the right people, and at the right time.
I will teach you a simple method here.
Affirm as many times as possible:
“I RELEASE the PART of ME that is criticized by her”.
IRELEASE THE PART OF ME that makes her criticise me.
“I OPEN ALIGN WITH the PART of ME that evokes her tolerance to PRAISE me”.
You can write them too.
The letters in UPPER CASE is fixed. The rest of the statement, you can fill with whatever you want. This way, you are releasing the behavior you don’t want and activating the behavior you want in others.
Now, don’t ask me any questions, how it works. Come to my class on Oct 19th, to shoot your questions there: http://wp.me/p31KXo-1Y
This constant depression is taking a toll on me :(. So, when I get even a straw of positivity from you it makes me feel better.
No amount of telling my mind anything helps. It continues to feel sad about everything that is going wrong, in parallel.
No house, no promotion, no love. And finally all the hard work only gets bad feedback.
Behind sadness, there is expectation to be loved; behind this expectation, fear of rejection, fear of abandonment or fear of intimacy is there.
The fear and expectation or desiring operate in opposite directions, and produce the sadness feeling.
This fear denies everything you desire.
Chant this and write this:
- “I release that part, which wants to be loved”
- “I release that part, which activates fear of rejection”
- “I align with that part, which gives love unconditionally.”
- “I align with that part, which feels secured
When can you get what you want in a relationship?
All of us enter in to any relationship to expecting something in the lines of – “I want someone so that I feel good; I want to be loved and taken care of”.
In any relationship when you expect, you will be disappointed.
When one is ready to give without expectation, he can get. There will not be any dejection.
How a destructive relationship starts getting building up?
When I do not want any destructive relationship or when I want harmony and peace in a relationship, then I should stop resisting it first.
Instead, when the spouse says or does anything you disagree or you don’t like, you start resisting inwardly.
Then like starts yielding to dislike.
However, this is not expressed but suppressed. This continues until it becomes resentment.
How you destroy the foundation of love?
You become angry.
Anger separates you from the other person and a barrier is formed.
Intimacy is ended, and leads to rejection.
You find ways to blame or criticize the partner wanting to prove that he/she is wrong.
Verbally you attack.
Everything the other person does seem to be wrong and the physical separation begins.
Without knowing, that your own blaming causes rejection – you feel rejected.
Your relationship deteriorates further by either suspicion or withdrawal.
Resolving these destructive tendencies
If relationship is to be mended then take the following remedies:
- AGRIMONY for open communication
- BEECH to understand other’s point of view; to have tolerance
- WILLOW to stop blaming and to forgive
- WALNUT to adjust and to be compromising
- CHERRY PLUM not to burst out
- HOLLY for suspicion and back biting
- CHICORY to give and not to force one
Each day is a new day. Start as if it is a new relationship.
Why do things such as these happen?
Is it an exercise expelling some internal discord?
We always want harmony, love and peace.
But we don’t know how to get when we are denied or when are rejected.
Life simply follows physical law.
If you throw a ball on the wall, it rebounds and comes back to you with the same force.
Our thoughts and emotions are like balls thrown at the opposite person.
When we refuse to forgive, we will not be forgiven.
Send a forgiving note you will get back the same.
Send ball of love, which will be returned to you as the ball of love.
Do and do, till we get the same love back.