Patient: My wife loves me a lot. She is a very considerate person. At the same time, when it comes to my way of doing, she is highly intolerant. Surprisingly, she tolerates others’ mistakes to a greater extent – this includes my parent’s actions too.
One part of her is tolerant, while the other part of her is intolerant – especially to you. It shows, somehow you trigger the other – unwanted part in her.
Do you have a similar behavior in yourself?
Patient: Yeah! In general, I always tend to correct the way of others and not just one person. I believe everything has to be done correctly, with the right people, and at the right time.
I will teach you a simple method here.
Affirm as many times as possible:
“I RELEASE the PART of ME that is criticized by her”.
IRELEASE THE PART OF ME that makes her criticise me.
“I OPEN ALIGN WITH the PART of ME that evokes her tolerance to PRAISE me”.
You can write them too.
The letters in UPPER CASE is fixed. The rest of the statement, you can fill with whatever you want. This way, you are releasing the behavior you don’t want and activating the behavior you want in others.
Now, don’t ask me any questions, how it works. Come to my class on Oct 19th, to shoot your questions there: http://wp.me/p31KXo-1Y
This constant depression is taking a toll on me :(. So, when I get even a straw of positivity from you it makes me feel better.
No amount of telling my mind anything helps. It continues to feel sad about everything that is going wrong, in parallel.
No house, no promotion, no love. And finally all the hard work only gets bad feedback.
Behind sadness, there is expectation to be loved; behind this expectation, fear of rejection, fear of abandonment or fear of intimacy is there.
The fear and expectation or desiring operate in opposite directions, and produce the sadness feeling.
This fear denies everything you desire.
Chant this and write this:
- “I release that part, which wants to be loved”
- “I release that part, which activates fear of rejection”
- “I align with that part, which gives love unconditionally.”
- “I align with that part, which feels secured
When can you get what you want in a relationship?
All of us enter in to any relationship to expecting something in the lines of – “I want someone so that I feel good; I want to be loved and taken care of”.
In any relationship when you expect, you will be disappointed.
When one is ready to give without expectation, he can get. There will not be any dejection.
How a destructive relationship starts getting building up?
When I do not want any destructive relationship or when I want harmony and peace in a relationship, then I should stop resisting it first.
Instead, when the spouse says or does anything you disagree or you don’t like, you start resisting inwardly.
Then like starts yielding to dislike.
However, this is not expressed but suppressed. This continues until it becomes resentment.
How you destroy the foundation of love?
You become angry.
Anger separates you from the other person and a barrier is formed.
Intimacy is ended, and leads to rejection.
You find ways to blame or criticize the partner wanting to prove that he/she is wrong.
Verbally you attack.
Everything the other person does seem to be wrong and the physical separation begins.
Without knowing, that your own blaming causes rejection – you feel rejected.
Your relationship deteriorates further by either suspicion or withdrawal.
Resolving these destructive tendencies
If relationship is to be mended then take the following remedies:
- AGRIMONY for open communication
- BEECH to understand other’s point of view; to have tolerance
- WILLOW to stop blaming and to forgive
- WALNUT to adjust and to be compromising
- CHERRY PLUM not to burst out
- HOLLY for suspicion and back biting
- CHICORY to give and not to force one
Each day is a new day. Start as if it is a new relationship.
Why do things such as these happen?
Is it an exercise expelling some internal discord?
We always want harmony, love and peace.
But we don’t know how to get when we are denied or when are rejected.
Life simply follows physical law.
If you throw a ball on the wall, it rebounds and comes back to you with the same force.
Our thoughts and emotions are like balls thrown at the opposite person.
When we refuse to forgive, we will not be forgiven.
Send a forgiving note you will get back the same.
Send ball of love, which will be returned to you as the ball of love.
Do and do, till we get the same love back.